things I won't miss....

Everyone has things that they don't like about themselves. For me it's that I can sit in my own lap, that my knees are in bad shape,and that when I take a five minute shower it takes me thirty minutes to dry off. It also bugs me that under my arms are these rolls of fat that a regular bra just doesn't hold in and yes that is gross...

In two days I will have an esophagogastroduodenscopy is an exam of the esophagus, stomach and doudenum. This is to make sure all is healthy before the surgery. one more step in the process.

Journey Continues

I am I guess I am one of those people who feels that I have to eat everything now because I will never have it again. So I am eating everything in sight. And yes I feel totally crappy about it.

Feeling ......

I am resilient at least that's what the Psychologist tells me. Resilient because I can still laugh about my life. I could list everything that has happened but this is not a pity party. These things just helped me get to 272 lbs. I've thought about a few things though..One I have to change how I deal with some members of my family, I lose patience very quickly. Two, I have start moving and get up off the couch. Three I want to be able to help deliver things at work .

Life begins with one step...

Hi I am the Renee side;

Don't let anyone tell you that having weight-loss surgery is a cop out. That you're losing weight the easy way. HA. Believe me when I started this I thought I'll have the surgery and eat little amounts and that would be it. I had no idea that there was so much involved. I feel bad because I'm missing so much work to prepare for this but I am learning more about myself as I go along.

Right now I am filling out a chart for the Psychologist. I have to write down when I eat, what I ate, where I ate it, any exercise involved (?) and my thoughts and feelings before I ate it and behaviors while I ate it. Yeah it's a lot to consider. I have no idea what to put done. I mean how many people really put that much thought into eating. I feel like I have to put down something but what? I get up, get dressed and eat. Lunch is at 12:30pm. Dinner when I get home. It's a lot like breathing for me. No thinking involved.

The only time I think about it is when I have a craving. What is a craving exactly? What makes us want that particular thing at that time? When I was younger it was chips, anything salty, I rarely ate sweets. A chocolate bar was something I could easily skip. As I got older I did a complete 180. Now I rarely eat chips and always feel that candy bar calling my name. How weird is that? So now facing this surgery and the changes to come in my life. What do I think about? Never eating I piece of Tippins Carrot cake again. My heart is breaking.